she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
