Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
