I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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