My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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