There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
