also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
