Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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