So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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