fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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