They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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