Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
