Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
