he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
