Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
