You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
