yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
