Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
