Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
