the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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