Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
