He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
