i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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