Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
