So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
