My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
