you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
