This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
