nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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