I feel like abortions should bother me more
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
