The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
