I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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