A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
