Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
