never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
