You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
