I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
