It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I didn't notice because vodka
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
