im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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