so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
