the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
