He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
