If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize