tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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