I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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