I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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