Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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