Buhtt sex?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
