It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
