Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
