Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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