guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize