By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
