Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
