so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
