You really coming over, don't trick.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just high enough for therapy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
