The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
