He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
