Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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