he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
