I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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