the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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