I am in a vortex of obligation.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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