ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
