he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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