Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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