So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
