Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
