I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
