My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
