When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
