I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
