wat bout pragnant strippers??
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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