Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
