whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
