I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
