im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
