I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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