I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
