This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
