Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
